Lies Parenting Experts Tell You
1. THIS is the right way.
There is no singular “right” way to raise children. As a matter of fact, there are countless ways to raise children, and a LOT of them are right. If you ever feel pressure that something HAS to be done one specific way for your children to have a well-rounded joyful existence, please reevaluate where you are getting your information. People (I’m guilty of this too) typically present information that resonates with them and their Big Picture as if it is the best option across the board. That simply isn’t true. Pool resources that you can refer to so you can choose the methods that work best for your home and family.
2. It’s your job to teach your child.
In many ways you do teach your children much of what they know. They absorb your actions, watch you carefully, and imitate those around them. However, the burden does not lay solely upon you to teach your children everything they need to know in order for them to have a fruitful joyous life. Much of the teaching is actually done by your children, if you’re willing to pause and observe. They teach you patience and the beauty in the small things. They remind you what its like to be in awe and wonder of the world around you. If you slow down enough, your children will remind you what it’s like to learn and develop. In that time with your heart and mind open, your children will teach you how they learn best.
3. Milestones need to be met by a certain age.
Children develop at different speeds. Heck, grown ups develop at different speeds and on different timelines. Some children are born with their first tooth, others don’t sprout their chompers until 12 months. The future success of your child isn’t riding on whether they potty train at 16 months or 3 years. Milestones help your pediatrician gauge whether there could be an underlying condition that may be effecting your child’s development. Unfortunately, they have turned into a modern day motherhood arms race. Be aware of what should be coming up so you can facilitate your child’s success, but do not feel like your success as a person or parent is directly related to your child’s milestone accomplishments.
4. Your child’s entire future is hinged upon the quality of parenting you provide.
This is inherently untrue. As a matter of fact, there is an incredible amount of luck involved in your child’s ultimate fate. There is luck in birth, socioeconomic status, geography, educators, chance meetings, and pretty much everywhere else in life. Social scientists have been doing research on just how much “nurture” effects who children become, and the results should help take some of the weight off your shoulders. If you’re interested in reading more about this, I recommend starting with this article.
5. You are superwoman, a powerhouse force to be reckoned with, and you can do it all!
Nope, nope, nope. Not even close. While you are ridiculously amazing, you are not superwoman/man. You do not have the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and you definitely should not even attempt to do ALL THE THINGS by yourself. You’re an incredible human who is capable of more than you ever dreamed possible, but that doesn’t mean you have to do every single thing that could potentially be beneficial for your child/self/family.